I’ve been pretty stressed out for the past few days. I’m about a week behind in my period, and while I’ve had irregularity of this sort before, it was freaking me out because I’ve been pretty regular for the past year or so. Reasonably, it didn’t make much sense that I’d think about the possibility of pregnancy, but, then again, you never know. So I kept going back and forth between “there is no way I could be p– remember the time you thought you might be x-? you’re being neurotic” and “but what if? you can’t take any chances.” It was totally nerve wrecking. I finally bought a test kit. I’m not pregnant.
Last night, watching You Can Count On Me (because I was too tired and distracted to do anything else), I kept having these visions of single motherhood I’ve been on TV and in movies. It was horrifying. And word really falls short of the feeling in this case.
Another thing this has made me rethink is the guy that I’m seeing now. I think I’ll stop seeing him. I know I said I’d stop seeing him before. But this time I think it’s for real. When you think you might be pregnant, and you think about the guy as the father of your child, then things that you didn’t consider before enter the horizon. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. But that’s happened in this case. And he is going out of my life.
